C A T S
The greatest achievement of the natural world.
📜 The Manifesto
Okay. I need to talk about cats. I don't know if you understand how incredible cats are but let me walk you through it. They are small. They are fluffy (usually). They do not care about your problems AT ALL and that is, somehow, extremely comforting. You come home having had the worst day of your entire life — like the universe itself turned against you personally — and the cat is just sitting there. Loaf mode. Tail wrap. Not a single care in the world. And you look at that cat and you think: maybe everything is okay actually.
Cats have been living with humans for approximately 10,000 years and they still act like they're doing US a favor. The audacity. The confidence. I respect it deeply and I will not explain further.
They knead things. Why? Nobody fully knows. Scientists have theories. The cats are not telling. They will never tell. This is fine.
In conclusion: cats are my favorite things. All of them. Every cat that has ever existed. I would like to pet every single one. I am working on it.
📊 Cat Facts (All Verified By Me)
Sleep Champions
Cats sleep 12–16 hours a day. They are not lazy. They are efficient. They are conserving energy for 3am zoomies.
Ear Supremacy
Cats can rotate their ears 180 degrees. They are essentially living radar dishes and they use this power to hear you open a treat bag from two floors away.
Box Theory
Any box placed anywhere will be occupied by a cat within 4 minutes. Physics cannot explain this. Do not try to explain this.
Speed Facts
Cats can run up to 30mph. You cannot catch them. You were never going to catch them. They knew this before you did.
Meow Lore
Adult cats basically only meow at humans — they evolved it specifically to communicate with US. They invented a whole language. For us. Unbelievable.
Purr Power
The frequency of a cat's purr (25–50 Hz) can promote healing in bones and tissues. Cats are literally medicinal. Doctors should prescribe cats.
🏆 Official Cat Type Tier List (Bo's Rankings, Final, No Debate)
| Tier | Cat Type | Assessment |
|---|---|---|
| S | Big fluffy cats (Maine Coon, Norwegian Forest) | Absolute units. Living legends. Could survive a blizzard AND look majestic doing it. |
| S | Tiny derpy kittens, specifically the ones that run sideways | God's finest work. A 10/10 achievement by the universe. |
| A | Grumpy-faced cats (Persians, Scottish Folds) | They look mad but they're not mad (usually). Deeply misunderstood kings and queens. |
| A | Orange cats | They have a thing going on. You know what it is. They know what it is. Respect. |
| B | Hairless cats (Sphynx) | Looks like a wrinkly alien, purrs like a motorboat. An acquired taste. I acquired it. |
| ? | Dogs | This is a cat tier list. Please stay in your lane. (I do like dogs.) |
🎵 The Updated Song (Cat Edition)
🐱 Cats on the counter and cats on my pillow
Cats in a box and a cat by the window
Cats doing zoomies at 3 in the morn
These are a few of my favorite things 🐱
🐱 Knocking my glasses right off of my nightstand
Biting my hand when I try to be nice and
Staring at nothing for hours on end
These are a few of my favorite things 🐱
🐱 When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply pet a cat and then it bites me too
But somehow I don't feel bad 🐱
🐾 Virtual Cat Head Scratch Counter
This button represents scratching a cat behind the ears. Each click is a scratch. Scratch away.
total head scratches delivered
"I did not come to this website expecting to read 1,200 words about cats but here I am and I have no regrets."
— Probably You, Just Now🚨 IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: 🚨
This page is a tribute to cats. ALL cats. If you have a cat, your cat specifically is wonderful and I mean that. If you don't have a cat, please consider getting one. I am not a veterinarian. I am just a guy who likes cats a normal amount.
(The amount is not normal.)